The X Files
Published 1 year, 4 months ago in My life.Hey everyone. First timer here, thought I’d give it a go.
Got a relationship question for you and i’d love to know what you think and what you would/did do in the same situation.
I’m a single, 29-year-old guy who’s had his fun and would love to settle down with someone. The last four people I’ve had any sort of interest in, one wasn’t interested in a relationship, the other three were….but the problem was/is they were/are still besotted with their ex.
For example, I was out the other night with friends, met someone through a friend of a friend, thought this person was great, we got along well, funny, single, smart, just a perfect first meeting really.
Anyway, the group of six or seven we were out with also contained the ex.
It’s ok to talk as a group, but whenever we started to talk one-on-one, the ex would always be there, sort of lurking over our shoulder.
Body language made me think for certain the ex is still keen, but i’m pretty sure (not 100%) that it wasn’t the other way around. He was certainly doing his best to keep a close eye on me.
Anyway, by the end of the night, I wasn’t able to get a number, because the ex was a wasted and needed to be taken home…. Although am determined to get the friend of a friend to get it for me.
I guess I’m asking, if its an amicable breakup, how close should you keep your ex and how do you, as the new one coming in, get through the fact that the ex is still in the background…and if they’re still keen, more than likely conspiring to make you look as bad as possible?
It seems to be an issue that i’ve come across a bit lately…would like to know your thoughts.
7 Responses to “The X Files”
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… it takes two to tango … and to settle down both sides need to want to commit to the same things with the same degree at the same time … good luck
RUN
It’s probably more pleasant to be friendly with an ex,’specially if it was a long term relantionship, but ex’s should know their place and the person who has an ex should know the ex’s place.
No new relantionship is going to work if it’s cluttered with the baggage of previous relantionships and a person who wants to hold onto that baggage isn’t probably ready to moved foward.
and for curiosity sake who was taking the ex home ‘cos if it was the girl in question it’s a total waste of time getting her number.
toxic! dont hang with anything that has an ex hanging also. I hear there are 3 girls to 1 guy in demographics……..you have plenty of choices. Look around more.
How long ago did they break up is what I’m wondering?
Unless the ex is a good friend of yours, which it doesn’t sound like is the case - if you can determine that this girl is completely over him, I don’t see anything stopping you showing interest providing that you go it sensitively and genuinely.
If you keep it real, be natural, honest and avoid any mind games with the ex - I don’t think the ex will ever succeed at making you look bad in front of the girl. Besides - take it from me - girls like confidence.
Be confident that their relationship is over and give it a shot!
In my personal group of friends, we have a couple of situations where ex’s are a part of the larger group and once enough time has passed, life goes on. Mind you - as vivavoe mentioned - I would attempt to understand how ‘fresh and clean’ their break up was.
Investigate a little futher, being optimistic all the way. What’s the worst that can happen, really?
Is it possible - I ask politely - if you are over conscience of the ex factor? Because you experienced problems with ex’s previously, are your radars clicked onto overdrive by any chance? Don’t assume there are obstacles if there perhaps aren’t any - yeah?
welcome to the site mate enjoy from the big fella convict &convicts over the fence
i would go for it, she is obviously over it, he just needs to be and spose she does as well. From my own personal experiences some people tend to rush into new relationships, not sure whether its due to being lonely, afraid that they will be alone forever… or just so use to being with someone.
I would get her number and see what happens if you dont you will still be wondering down the track and who knows what could have been.
hope this helps
By the way this is from a females persepective